u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
