and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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