i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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