Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
