After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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