Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
