something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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