I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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