everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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