I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
