only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize