Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
