Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
