This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
