Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
