I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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