Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize