its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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