we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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