Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
vagina is talking i cant
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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