I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
