Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
