and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
