I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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