I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
