We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
