we're blogging at a bar
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
