it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There's always time for handjobs
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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