Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
