Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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