you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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