so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
