did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
