OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
