i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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