dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
