is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
