You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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