What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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