We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
