Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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