i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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