Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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