do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
