So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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