Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
