Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
