I look better un-naked...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
