dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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