just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
