Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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