can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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