this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
