Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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