Sry I called you an 8
In the future we'll all be gay
your room smells of hookers.
And success
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
