I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
