Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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