I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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