I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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