halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
