the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
