Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
