dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
