dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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