They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
