The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Couch. On fire.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
