pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
