i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
