"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
