My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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