Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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