somebody snuck up and got me drunk
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
