We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
