Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
